再见，我的新郎

去Shane的SNS账号看了他最近的生活，今年1月6号的时候他po了这样一条消息：
I recently turned 29, which was bittersweet because that was the age Tom was when he died. In fact, he died 15 days after his birthday. This morning I realized that it's been 17 days since mine. This fact makes me sad, but I also feel lucky and grateful. It might seem melodramatic to share this, but I don't care. I am grateful to be alive and I'm proud to say so. I hope that I can use every day I have, days Tom never got, to do something meaningful and to honor the man I loved. I know I have to move on with my life, and I am, but I will always miss Tom and hope I am making him proud. 这段话后面贴了他们俩的合照。
他把#Tap Tap Tap做成了一个活动。
这几年间他一直在为LGBT奔走。
和JB一起生活着。
去世界各地。

一直觉得影片名Bridegroom简直神了。
Thomas Lee Bridegroom, I want u to be my Bridegroom.

Which he could never be.

      The sense of emptiness kept haunting me to the end of the documentary, with the gaiety of Same Love re-veiling the not-completely-told story. Because Tom is gone. Everyone were talking what a great person he is, what a lovely couple Shane and him were meant to be, and what a horrendous nightmare things turned out. But Tom is gone.
      I was fantasizing those love words Tom once whispered against Shane's ear when I heard the voice of Tom, which had been preciously and fortunately recorded as the last thing in the world through which people could feel him indirectly. He is a professional vocalist for me. I looked up several versions of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire but not one of them could ever compare with his. But he is gone.
      A TV news Footage tells you nothing but when and where, who was dead, suicidal, homicidal or accidental. It cannot be more normal. However it's such a ruthless official obituary for those who were closely related to the deceased, especially for the one he once shared pillows with. I'm not qualified to empasize with Shane because I've never got into such a relationship. But I do wanna say to Shane, I have your back. Let me, let us be your rock. Since all that you've gone through, the hard time to make a real connection with either family and the heartbreaking shutting out by Tom's parents, I hope you could really, one day, let go all the dark and move on, carrying the memory rather than survive on them for the rest of your life. You look pretty weighed down when you stepped in front of Taj Mahal, you are unhappy.
      Not until Shane explained the meaning of three taps that I was slightly touched by the tap tap tap at the very beginning part of this documentary. Tap, tap, tap, I love you. Tap, tap, tap, I love you. Three taps on Tom's thigh, once more and once more, the last love I can say to you. Also at the very beginning, their favourite song, Garth Brooks' The Dance, somewhat a sad song while not that sentimental, and what a reflection of their love story.
      I listed below the lyrics and translated into Chinese on my own.

_____________________________________________________

      
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?
我们曾在熠熠星光下起舞
我的世界一度因为你而完整
而我何尝料到有朝一日你将离我而去？


And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could've missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance
而现在我庆幸自己不知道这一切缘何而终，何去何从
我们本可以听天由命，任凭彼此人生交错，如此一生
我本可以避开一切苦痛，却始终不忍错过，与君共舞


Holding you, I held everything
For a moment, wasn't I a king?
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey, who's to say? You know I might have changed it all
拥抱着你，我彷如拥有了全世界。
你的爱叫我一度成为了王，不是么？
可要是我当初知道这王会有那样颓丧的命运，
我怎么会说出“你知道，我能改变这一切”这样自负的话


And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could‘ve missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance
而现在我庆幸自己不知道这一切缘何而终，何去何从
我们本可以听天由命，任凭彼此人生交错，如此一生
我本可以避开一切苦痛，却始终不忍错过，与君共舞


Yes, my life is better left to chance
I could’ve missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance
是的，听天由命的人生多好
我本可以避开一切苦痛，却始终不忍错过，与君共舞

现在一边听Garth Brooks的The dance一边写我对他们的故事的感动

很久没有像这样泣不成声过了 尤其是我是第一次看这样的纪录片

上一次哭到胃抽筋的电影是Cloud Atlas

他不是那种强大的冲击力的电影 只是把平平淡淡的生活变成故事讲述给我们听

我一直觉得Shane挺淡定的其实 因为从一开始就情绪一直没有多大波动

就算提到Tom died这个事实之后 我以为他会流泪

到后面讲到Tom坠落 的时候 或许是回忆起了当时的情形 他就泪崩了

我也是

其实这只是在描述他们各自的生命轨迹 然后到他们的交集点 他们在一起的点点滴滴

从Tom和Shane的共同朋友的讲述中我真的觉得 Tom is an angel, but now, he just come back to heaven.在治好Shane的忧虑症之后

因为我真的不认为这个世界上会有这么积极可爱的人 浑身充满了正能量 活泼 天真 感染着身边每一个人 所以Shane的家人才会那么喜欢他 从一开始就没有那种很抗拒的表现

他们两个不是那种招摇过市的人 连在公共场合握手都要遮住 更别说当众kiss这种事了

而且也非常的节约 所以才有资金去埃及 伦敦 巴黎那些地方

因为两个人太节俭 Tom给Shane买的戒指都不敢当面给他 怕他生气说他浪费钱

我一直在想 如果我能遇到像Tom这样的男孩子 我真的太幸运 以至于 我可以拿我的所有东西去换

下面是The dance的歌词 我觉得这首歌可以说是完全讲的Tom的故事 太像



Holding you I held everything
拥着你 我便拥有了一切
For a moment wasn't I a king
那一刻 我已于世界之巅
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
未曾想 我亦会陨落
Hey who's to say you know I might have chanced it all
谁说的准 我能避免这一切
And now I'm glad I didn't know
我庆幸当时不知
The way it all would end the way it all would go
会这样收尾 会这样飘散
Our lives are better left to chance
我们的生命最好交给命运
I could have missed the pain.
我本可避免伤痛
But I'd of had to miss the dance
但 亦会错失 这只曼舞

Songs:
http://www.56.com/u63/v_MTAwMzYyMzgw.html/1030_xl-meqfmbyiyf.html Beautiful Boy - Coleen Mcmahon
http://www.56.com/u20/v_MTAyNDM1OTY5.html The Christmas Song - Tom
http://www.56.com/u71/v_MTAyNDQ3ODEy.html Grenade - Tom
http://www.56.com/u37/v_MTAyNTg5OTg2.html Hold It Against Me - Tom
http://video.sina.com.cn/v/b/121931661-3379829352.html If I Fall - Tom & Allison Gray
http://www.56.com/u26/v_MTAyNDIwNzUx.html For Once In My Life - Tom
http://www.56.com/u13/v_MTAyNDIwOTE0.html Firework - Tom
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNjUwNjI1MDg4.html The General - Tom

Others:
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMzkzNjA0Mjg0.html It Could Happen to You
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNjUwNjMxMzg0.html Tom&Friends slide show
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNDU0NDQ2MDAw.html Tom视频剪辑
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNjUwNjI1MzI4.html Tom&Shane slide show
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNjUwNjMwMzUy.html Tom&Shane Shorkeling
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNjUwNjMwMjM2.html Tom&Shane Surfing
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNjQ2ODcyNDM2.html If I Fall writing session

youtube.com/tombridegroom
http://www.flickr.com/photos/77818626@N07/


wish you all the best up there, beautiful boy