再见，我的新郎

表达爱的方式有无数种，这种很外放，很真实。

it's not a gay thing，it's not a straight thing，it's a human thing.

不是一个宣扬真善美的人，但我坚持要去面对所有的人性面。



2013年1月7日 深夜

Songs:
http://www.56.com/u63/v_MTAwMzYyMzgw.html/1030_xl-meqfmbyiyf.html Beautiful Boy - Coleen Mcmahon
http://www.56.com/u20/v_MTAyNDM1OTY5.html The Christmas Song - Tom
http://www.56.com/u71/v_MTAyNDQ3ODEy.html Grenade - Tom
http://www.56.com/u37/v_MTAyNTg5OTg2.html Hold It Against Me - Tom
http://video.sina.com.cn/v/b/121931661-3379829352.html If I Fall - Tom & Allison Gray
http://www.56.com/u26/v_MTAyNDIwNzUx.html For Once In My Life - Tom
http://www.56.com/u13/v_MTAyNDIwOTE0.html Firework - Tom
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNjUwNjI1MDg4.html The General - Tom

Others:
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMzkzNjA0Mjg0.html It Could Happen to You
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNjUwNjMxMzg0.html Tom&Friends slide show
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNDU0NDQ2MDAw.html Tom视频剪辑
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNjUwNjI1MzI4.html Tom&Shane slide show
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNjUwNjMwMzUy.html Tom&Shane Shorkeling
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNjUwNjMwMjM2.html Tom&Shane Surfing
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNjQ2ODcyNDM2.html If I Fall writing session

youtube.com/tombridegroom
http://www.flickr.com/photos/77818626@N07/


wish you all the best up there, beautiful boy

我曾经问过我身边的很多人，“遇不到彼此相爱的那个人” 和 “遇到了彼此相爱的人却无法在一起” 两件事情哪一个比较遗憾，有人选择前者，有人选择后者，而我自己，却总也选不出答案。
       肖恩因为与人有异而被排挤，被欺凌，因此自卑胆小，逐渐封闭自己，直到遇见汤姆，像一束阳光照进他的生命里，他逐渐开朗起来，变得自信坚强，愿意去交朋友，故事如果在这里结束，那就是个童话故事。
       这样的故事我们听的太多了，其后的故事就顺理成章了，父母会说我从没见过他像现在这么开心，父母会说只要他过得好，不像以前那样让人担心，有人照顾就行了，这个人是男是女无所谓的....似乎总是这样的happy ending。
       但是汤姆这一边却出现了问题，汤姆的父母似乎异常的顽固，但是我似乎看到了现实中被忽略的一群gay，他们没有被欺凌过，他们一路都和别的孩子一样顺利健康的成长，甚至有些方面还更为优异，让父母骄傲，这样的孩子，想要拥抱自己的同性伴侣，似乎更加困难。
       蔡康永在奇葩说出柜那一期曾经说过这样一段话，gay在很多领域都颇有成就，这是为什么，因为作为gay，我们需要付出更多的努力，取得更大的成就，才能获得和异性恋一样的尊重。但是我想，这些努力，这些成就，除非能站到特别高的位置可以自己决定一切而不用参考其他任何人的意见，否则这些优秀的特质，都会成为做gay的绊脚石。
       从肖恩的父母，到汤姆的父母，再到我们身边的很多人，他们承认有同性恋的存在，但是他们认为那不是“正常”的，那是需要改正的，他们所持的看法基本相同：当你遇到你的爱人的时候，如果你像肖恩一般，自闭，抑郁甚至想要伤害自己，而这个爱人是你唯一的光，是你唯一值得活下去的依赖，好吧，那你去吧，去爱他吧，去做你想做的任何事吧，做gay总好过自杀；而如果你如汤姆一般，一直都是所谓优秀的孩子，一直那么乐观开朗，那么为什么要去做gay呢，不管这个爱人多么好，不管这段感情多么深刻，你也只是失去了一段爱情而已，你的生命里还有很多你喜爱的事情，学业，事业，运动等等，为什么不做“正常人”呢，没有这个爱人你还是可以活得一样积极阳光。
       写到这里我突然词穷，现实的诘问让我无法回答，“为什么不做正常人呢？”，我也是一路很优秀的活了20年，虽然不像汤姆学业体育样样拔尖，但也是按部就班的上到大学，一直到爱上一个人，一直到这个人十分光荣的戍守边疆，一直到他说出任务就再也没有消息。大学毕业以后不想再继续念书，但是又不知道接下来该干什么，不明白人生追求什么，以为看些哲学书籍能够有所帮助，却陷入了更难回答的问题当中。
       人生的意义是在于爱，还是在于成功？是在于感情上的满足，还是在于物质上的丰富？肖恩如果没有遇到汤姆，固然是会罹患一些精神上的疾病，但是乐观阳光的汤姆如果没有遇到肖恩，他的生活是不是也会有一块区域填不满？而在他们相遇相爱以后，他们又是否愿意离开彼此呢，汤姆离开肖恩以后还会像以前那样阳光开朗吗？
       似乎本片是为了呼吁同性婚姻合法化，从汤姆葬礼安排之后我感觉到影片在传达这个信息，不过我自己没有太多想法，所以只是关注他们的感情和家人的态度方面，我不知道其他人对于“合法婚姻”这件事是不是真的那么在乎，不过有一件比较难过的事情是，虽然没有明确规定同性恋是非法，不过在很多场合，包括公职和部队，同性恋还是被视为品行不正（大概是吧，具体我也不知道），但是我们，并没有做坏事，为什么那么多坏人都可以走在阳光下，而我们却因为爱，只能躲在阴影中。

      The sense of emptiness kept haunting me to the end of the documentary, with the gaiety of Same Love re-veiling the not-completely-told story. Because Tom is gone. Everyone were talking what a great person he is, what a lovely couple Shane and him were meant to be, and what a horrendous nightmare things turned out. But Tom is gone.
      I was fantasizing those love words Tom once whispered against Shane's ear when I heard the voice of Tom, which had been preciously and fortunately recorded as the last thing in the world through which people could feel him indirectly. He is a professional vocalist for me. I looked up several versions of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire but not one of them could ever compare with his. But he is gone.
      A TV news Footage tells you nothing but when and where, who was dead, suicidal, homicidal or accidental. It cannot be more normal. However it's such a ruthless official obituary for those who were closely related to the deceased, especially for the one he once shared pillows with. I'm not qualified to empasize with Shane because I've never got into such a relationship. But I do wanna say to Shane, I have your back. Let me, let us be your rock. Since all that you've gone through, the hard time to make a real connection with either family and the heartbreaking shutting out by Tom's parents, I hope you could really, one day, let go all the dark and move on, carrying the memory rather than survive on them for the rest of your life. You look pretty weighed down when you stepped in front of Taj Mahal, you are unhappy.
      Not until Shane explained the meaning of three taps that I was slightly touched by the tap tap tap at the very beginning part of this documentary. Tap, tap, tap, I love you. Tap, tap, tap, I love you. Three taps on Tom's thigh, once more and once more, the last love I can say to you. Also at the very beginning, their favourite song, Garth Brooks' The Dance, somewhat a sad song while not that sentimental, and what a reflection of their love story.
      I listed below the lyrics and translated into Chinese on my own.

_____________________________________________________

      
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?
我们曾在熠熠星光下起舞
我的世界一度因为你而完整
而我何尝料到有朝一日你将离我而去？


And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could've missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance
而现在我庆幸自己不知道这一切缘何而终，何去何从
我们本可以听天由命，任凭彼此人生交错，如此一生
我本可以避开一切苦痛，却始终不忍错过，与君共舞


Holding you, I held everything
For a moment, wasn't I a king?
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey, who's to say? You know I might have changed it all
拥抱着你，我彷如拥有了全世界。
你的爱叫我一度成为了王，不是么？
可要是我当初知道这王会有那样颓丧的命运，
我怎么会说出“你知道，我能改变这一切”这样自负的话


And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could‘ve missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance
而现在我庆幸自己不知道这一切缘何而终，何去何从
我们本可以听天由命，任凭彼此人生交错，如此一生
我本可以避开一切苦痛，却始终不忍错过，与君共舞


Yes, my life is better left to chance
I could’ve missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance
是的，听天由命的人生多好
我本可以避开一切苦痛，却始终不忍错过，与君共舞